I feel the pressure of deadlines. Either self-imposed or by some exterior force, I feel them looming. The beauty of school is the syllabus. I know the deadline for an assignment and exactly what must be done by that deadline. When it comes to following the Lord's leading as I answer his call, I'm finding the syllabus looks a little different. Rather than doing "x" to achieve "y" in "z" amount of time, it is a personal journey with a personal Savior that does things according to his divine plan. Not forced, but not lazy, its just right... perfect timing...
But... I struggle with the sin that seeks to govern my perception of when things "should" happen.
When my sons want something from me, the often seek to move my will by crying out with much wailing and trepidation. They have been known to throw things, cry, roll on the floor and melt into a puddle of grief. They express their desire to have or know what only I can give them, as if their display of misery would move my will to give them what they want.
This week I have been fasting and praying that the Lord would give me an answer. Unfortunately, I began by displaying my own despondent misery in order to move the will of God toward my ends. My plan was to fast and pray to move the mouth of God to speak. Not surprisingly, he did not give me the answer I was looking for...
It wasn't long before the Lord reminded me that the purpose of fasting and prayer is not to bend the will of the Almighty, Sovereign God to do as I please. Instead, fasting and prayer should be my expressed desire to align my heart and mind with His in the midst of my present struggle. He showed me that the timing in which we receive his good gift is a gift in itself. When we seek him first, He reveals his heart and molds ours hearts to his.
As the Holland Family waits for the Lord to speak, we are submitting to him our desire for clear, tangible steps to follow in the coming days and months. Meanwhile, we will cling to the Word of God as the anchor for our wandering hearts:
5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
6 in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
16 Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.
2 Corinthians 12:9
9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
Seeking His Perfect Timing